Everyone has their own little unique neurosis that torments and otherwise frustrates them. I have many to keep me company. One particular nasty little thing is what I like to call Negative Daydreaming. You dream about a scenario, whether it be winning the big game, standing up to a bully, winning the lottery. All good things, right? Wrong. There are always some kind of negativity attached to it. Like a back-handed compliment.
“For someone with no hair, you look great!”
They slide in an insult and disguise it as a compliment. You might not hear the negativity at first, but it sits there in your subconscious. Starting to work its way through you, leaving all of that negativity spewing forth until it consumes you. It can ruin a perfectly good day for no reason whatsoever other than to hurt you.
Breaking old habits
Breaking old habits like this one can be difficult. It will take time, determination and a little help from the outside.
- If you have friends who put you down, get rid of them. You are only in their lives to make them feel better.
- When you feel those negative thoughts come up, stop! Do whatever you need to do to push those evil thoughts away.
- Try to find out why the negative thoughts are happening. What are you thinking about when they come up? If you can find that out, you’re one step closer to stopping this bad habit.
- Don’t be afraid to ask for help. You’ll soon learn you are not alone.
This will not be easy
All of those negative people will lash out as you struggle to break free. They see your escape as a betrayal. That you are no longer content to be miserable along with them. Mind you, most will not do this on purpose. They are so far buried in their own negative downward spiral that they cannot see the damage they are causing.
Your natural instinct would be to help your friend out. This is where you need to be a little selfish. Take care of yourself before you take care of another. You cannot help someone come out of the darkness when you are still in that darkness.
Now, I am not saying you cannot have friends that are in the darkness together. I am saying together, go find someone that has already escaped or a trained professional.
There is always a way out
How can you break free of this darkness? First and foremost, you need to be ready for and know how to ask for help. It’s such a simple thing to do, yet this is one of my biggest struggles. I learned early on that I was on my own. Asking for help is the last thing that I like to do. And when I did get help, I would usually ignore the advice and continue down whatever damaging path that I was on.
I am in my late 40’s and still struggle with this. And will continue to struggle with it the rest of my life. This is why you need like-minded friends to surround yourself with.
I spoke with a friend of mine who was going through her own spiritual healing/growth. She mentioned how she had to hit rock bottom before she extended her hand out for help. What she found amazed and comforted her, turning her whole attitude around and got her started on the right path. Now, she is using what she learned to help others, including myself.
It was talking with her about her own journey that opened my eyes to this. I sat listening intently, but in the back of my head I was shutting down. I was blocking the help subconsciously. It was then that I realized what I was doing.
“I can do it myself!” Is a common phrase that keeps running through my head. In reality, I’m saying, “I know I need help, but I don’t want it because I am afraid of what’s out there.”
I will pull myself kicking and screaming into the light if needed. The darkness that is depression and insecurities, while comforting, it is not acceptable any more. I have pulled myself out enough that I can feel the light on my skin. The warmth thrilling my soul and filling me up with all sorts of goodness.