Sex, Lies, & Internet – A guide for dating in the modern world

If you’re single today, you know there are many ways to find love or a close proximity of it. With technology comes the ease of finding your One True Love, and you get the great pleasure of sifting through thousands of profiles of potential dates that you would not normally come across in your own social circles. Mind you, this is not necessarily a good thing. Think of it in terms of the old saying, Finding a Needle in a Haystack. Well, that Haystack just got a hell of a lot bigger and someone used dirty, stinky hay to build them.  While the dating pool may have gotten bigger, it doesn’t mean that it has gotten easier. Just the opposite in fact.

I’ve tried a few dating sites. Match, Plenty of Fish, OKCupid, eHarmony, and a few others I can’t think of the name anymore. All have had the same result. Plenty of attractive women with great sounding profiles. Yet, no matter how charming I am, and I can be pretty damn charming with my words, I still have yet to find that one special girl to take me out of this ever growing, dirty pool that we are forced to swim in.

Never dipped your toes in? Well, while there are great people out there looking for love and are completely honest about who they are, there are plenty of stories about nightmarish experiences from being picked up by your date and his Mother is driving to finding out you’re dating the Online Dating Strangler. While this is no laughing matter, there are plenty of stories to laugh and cringe at, but also learn.

A friend of mine is using Bumble to meet eligible bachelors in her area. One such encounter she shared with me happened a few weeks ago. She met her date at a local hangout for a drink with the potential for more.

TIP # 1 This is the best way to meet someone from online. DO NOT plan a full evening out for the first meet up. In fact, don’t consider this a date at all. Would you plan a full evening with your worst enemy? No matter how well you get along online it does not mean you will feel the same when you finally meet in person. Plan for one drink and that’s it. If they have a problem with that, run away.

This first part of the evening went fine. Plenty of good conversation and light flirting. All good things. So she decides to extend the date further and they head to another spot for more drinks while watching a local band. After a few more drinks and flirting, things escalating slightly with some inappropriate touching. She stopped him, having to explain why this kind of touching isn’t really appropriate at a public venue. He then proceeds to pout for 45 minutes.

TIP #2 I can’t believe I have to say this, but guys, seriously, feeling up a woman at a bar, restaurant, concert hall, park or any other public area on a first date is not acceptable. Do it again and I’m telling your Mother!! Also, don’t pout when you don’t get your way. It’s unattractive and a sure fire way to not get a second date.

Towards the end of the night, my friend decided it was time to go and they took an Uber back to their cars. She informed him that she would not be going back to his place and he proceeded to pout some more, whispering to her, “Trust. You have to have trust in my line of work.” Her response,  “Comfort. You have to feel comfortable to go home with someone after 5 hours of knowing them.” He was silent the rest of the ride home, which luckily for her was not that long.

TIP #3 Here’s another failure of common sense. Now, we have all been there. Met someone at a bar, hit it off and ended up spending the night together. This DOES NOT WORK FOR ONLINE DATING!! No first date should ever end up at a person house nor should it be expected. Clearly, this is what he wanted and when he didn’t get what he wanted, he acted like a child and tried to peer pressure her into going home with him. Grow up and act like an adult!!

Navigating the Online Dating waters can be treacherous. There are so many things to watch out for that it will scare off many and there are plenty of bad stories out there that I could write several books. Be diligent, be careful, and try not to take it too seriously.